Not By Accident

As I sit at my 9-5 (more like 8:30 - 5) I'm trying to figure out a way to break free. Don't get me wrong, I love my job (the more creative parts of it), I love the story behind the mission, the people are okay, but with all that something's missing.



The economy has continued to fall as unemployment continues to rise, poverty continues to climb, crime continues to inflate, prisons continue to be built, schools continue to be closed, the price of homes continue to rise, the forclosure rate continues to rise and a plethora of ups and downs. As "Americans" (I always try to use that word loosely) we are upset and depressed, fed up and disgusted. We are looking for someone to blame. Is it Bush's fault for dragging us into a war with no merit - searching for weapons of mass destruction (and not finding a one)? Dragging on for years and years, plugging billions of dollars into a country that is already flourishing in the land of milk and honey for it's rich oil resources. Is it Obama's fault for finding short fixes to an economy that was already in a whole by digging the whole even deeper - leaving a tremendous debt to our children and grandchildren. As he takes on too many issues at once patching their holes instead fixing the problem.



I've come to the realization that this is no one person's fault or no one party's fault. Just as individuals, every one has their season of prosperity and famine. This is America's season of famine. And sure it's easy to point the finger and say, It's Bush's fault #damnrepublicans - It's Obama's fault #damndemocrats. But through observation, meditation and having conversations with God (yes I talk to my Lord) I have realized that whether Bush, Clinton, Obama, Hilliary, Hoover, Kennedy were in office, this was America's ordained time and place to go through this economical downturn.



As the economy seems to be picking up slightly I have evaluated my current job situtation and tried to implement getting a Master's Degree in Speech Pathology. In the meantime, my husband was laid off from his job, but through the power of praying and being faithful to God he is currently working again. I began looking at the Program at GSU and what would it take for me to be accepted into the program. I would need a 3.0 GPA, GRE scores, an essay and letters of recommendation (they recommend getting these from professors and/or guidanace counselors). I have not taken my GRE yet and quite frankly I don't feel like it (I'm so over standardized test - either accept me into your program or not) and I don't really think any of my college professors and/or counselors remember me. I went to UNO and I was close with hardly any of my professors. But I said to myself, I have to do this, this is my only way to find a career I could be happy with and be able to find a job any where I go in the county. So then I started digging into the program even more in depth. They only accept about 18 students per year and they expect their students to NOT work due to the demanding clinical schedules that this program has. I figured okay, in a couple of years, I won't have to work and then I can dedicate my time to school.



The more and more I began to look inside myself the more the truth began to pore out. You see sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and stop trying to convince yourself of an idea that is totally not you. I realized I don't feel like taking the GRE and I don't feel like dedicating 3 years of school all over again. I'm a grown woman with a family and my family falls second to God. I want to invest my time and efforts in my God and in my family - not in school. All of this inside of me is brewing up while I'm doing other things for work that I'm truly growing an interest in. So I speak outloud one day, I need to work from home. I see a lot of people doing contract work working from home and making great money doing it. So I throw an idea out to my husband and he was all for it. The following day I went to church and it felt like the speaker we had visiting our church was speaking directly to me. She spoke about acting on your dreams and making money at doing what you're good at. This was something I had been pondering the entire month.



I came to the conclusion that God gives us everything we need - and it is up to us to dig what he has put on the inside of us and make it a reality. You don't necessarily need a Master's degree or a Doctorate - all you need is what God has given you on the inside and the drive to make it happen.



So just to tie all of this together, because you may be wondering where I'm going with this. Living in this economic climate that we're currently living in, I've learned that sometimes God has to bring us to our knees so that we can stand on our own...and so that he would get the glory. Looking at life with natural eyes - things seem tough, unmanageable and impossible. But looking at the world through the eyes of the supernatural - all things are possible through the Lord Christ Jesus. I have decided not to let this economy dictate my destiny. God did not send his son to die for me for me to be unhappy and complacent in a undesireable position. He wants me to be blessed and to have everything my heart desires. God wants to spoil me, but first he wants to see how much I want it and how badly I'm willing to work for it. God knows my spirit - he knows me inside and out. He knows what type of person I am - what I'm good at and not so good at. He has given me an idea that will free me from the bondage of having a "job". No longer will I have to seek employment, but others will seek me. I thank God for the seed he has planted in my head. Now it is my job to water that seed so that it can grow and flourish. And with everything in me, through the guidance of God and the support of my family - I will carry out God's plan and give him all the honor for impregnating my mind and giving life to a seed that had been stillborn inside me the whole time.